Of course I know I’m a strange lonely weirdo, tell me something I don’t know. Most people who I know and interact with are either my relatives or close family friends. The fact that I have social anxiety and every time I’m forced to interact with a group /crowd of people I have my fingers crossed silently praying no-one talks to me doesn’t help at all.
For most people it may seem okay-after all people choose to be loners,right? Well for me I guess I got too comfortable being a loner to a point where its a lifestyle. Not healthy I must say. I have successfully pushed everyone away in the name of “I prefer spending time alone.”
I should have seen that as a sign,but nope I just assumed It was normal. Growing up, I was always this cheerful ,talkative, attention seeking kid. Then things changed at some point. I started talking less and thinking more; prefered staying in the house. It didn’t help that I was transferred to a new public school. I never seemed to click with anyone and the only girl I got along with-I later came to find out used to tell her other friends all my “personal issues” I used to share with her and they’d talk about how weird and nagging I am!?
Long story short ( ’cause it will take forever to explain the drama) that was one of the experiences that made me push people away. I’m a social person to be honest but all I want is a brief relation – laugh,talk ,eat and talk then that’s it. I refuse to exchange contacts with you cause I’m scared of “social” commitments and I’m a professional loner so don’t ruin that.
Honestly, It has been the most amazing journey but I want to quit.Reason being the basis of me deciding to be a loner is from a bad past experience. I feel chained to my past experiences and that has heightened my depression and anxiety. I have been selfish and restrictive to enjoy my time with some nice people because of a past trauma.
Sometimes its okay to be loner no argument on that but don’t let a dark experience control your decision on how you should or should not live your life.You need to be a loner cause you enjoy being alone .
And Yes,even though its normal to be angry,sad and bitter but its unhealthy when it goes on for too long. Learn to let go!
Over To You …
What’s your take on Loners? Are you one of them? Is it healthy to be a comfortable loner?
Xoxo, Patience 🙂