Of course I know I am a strange lonely weirdo, tell me something I don’t know. Most people I know and interact with are either my relatives or close family friends. The fact that I have social anxiety and every time I’m forced to interact with a group/crowd of people I have my fingers crossed silently praying no-one talks to me doesn’t help at all.
For most people it may seem okay- after all people choose to be loners, right? Well, not me! I guess I got too comfortable being a loner to a point where it’s now a lifestyle. Not healthy I must say but I have successfully pushed everyone away in the name of “I prefer spending time alone.”
I should have seen that as a sign, but nope I just assumed it was normal. Growing up, I was always this cheerful, chatty, attention seeking kid. Then things changed at some point, I started talking less and thinking more; prefered staying in the house. It didn’t help that I was transferred to a new public school I never seemed to click with anyone and the only girl I got along with – I later came to find out used to tell her other friends all my “personal issues” I used to share with her and they’d talk about how weird and nagging I am!?
Long story short (cause it will take forever to explain the drama) that was one of the experiences that made me push people away. I am a social person to be honest but all I want is a brief relation – laugh ,talk, eat and talk then that’s it. I refuse to exchange contacts with you cause I’m scared of “social” commitments and I’m a professional loner so don’t ruin that.
Honestly, It has been the most amazing journey but I want to quit. Reason being the basis of me deciding to be a loner is from a bad past experience. I feel chained to my past experiences and that has heightened my depression and anxiety. I have been selfish and restrictive to enjoy my time with some nice people because of a past trauma.
Sometimes its okay to be loner no argument on that but don’t let a dark experience control your decision on how you should or should not live your life.You need to be a loner cause you enjoy being alone .
And Yes even though it’s normal to be angry, sad and bitter but it’s unhealthy when it goes on for too long. Learn to let go!
Over To You …
What’s your take on Loners? Are you one of them? Is it healthy to be a comfortable loner?