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Fodreamy1on1: Reminiscing My Ex

Like a god, he walked towards me and casually asked if I can help him with Vaseline for his lips. Normally I’d say no to people without blinking (I hate sharing my Vaseline) but this time the situation was different. He was different!

I wanted him to stay and talk. I stalled him with random questions that ended up with us hitting it off and talking like we’d know each other forever.

Fast forward to a month of texting and hanging out. Never in my life had ever been in a relationship and what scared me was I felt the need to be in one with him.

I was just a teenager who knew nothing about love and relationships except boys will mess you up. I should have listened to my heart but he was cool, confident, friendly -everything I wasn’t – and he thought I was pretty. I mean, imagine how it feels having your crush acknowledge your beauty .

I felt content with him in my life. The more I got to knew him the more I wanted to be perfect for him. To be someone he would look at with love and pride. Did I mention all this happened around the same godamn time that I was broken -mentally.

Then we started dating and oh my god! Being in a relationship felt beautiful. Having someone to lean on and always be your number one fan is something we all need to experience but with caution.

I vividly remember this particular day, we were just having one of those lazy days chatting while hooked on our phones. I was bored. And when I’m bored I get stubborn, sadly something I need to work on.

I put my phone down and began asking what he was doing on his phone. Thinking about it now, I didn’t really care what he was doing to be honest. I was just trying to poke him for my amusement .

“I’m just chatting with some girl on facebook,”he replied.

Now, No girl is ever prepared to hear his boyfriend confess (casually) that he is chatting with “some girl ” online. I kept telling myself not to freak out, not to be THAT GIRL! That girl who’d come to conclusion just from a slight admittance .That girl who’d cause scandal. That girl who wore an armor of insecurity .

My heart sunk and I was filled with doubt but I craved to be the “Cool,Composed girlfriend with an its not a big deal ” attitude. So I let it go.

Days turned into weeks, we never talked about it but my curiosity never settled and being the journalist wannabe I am I went all paparazzi on him trying to figure out what the heck is going on.

Funny how we could have discussed this but I tried proving a point and it drove me crazy. Turns out he was “just flirting with the girl, nothing much” – his words not mine.

He was the person who came along and made me feel like alive . I was willing to oversee all the little things till a few weeks later, again. When he said “If I get married, I would cheat on my wife with you.”

Yeah, you read that right. I was going to be his mistress when he gets married. And that ladies and gentlemen was my turning point. I felt stupid and disappointment is an understatement .

I know I was still young to think about marriage and the future but why was I in a relationship with someone who had already made up his mind about his future (and I wasn’t in it) . He said he was just joking. But the fact he had given me a reason to doubt him before made it hard to believe he was joking.

Never stay in a relationship when you no longer trust your partner, Period. I knew this was the end for us. Everything I liked about the guy no longer seemed appealing .

Slowly we started to fall apart but neither of us was willing to initiate the break up. I was sad obviously when our communication came to one text a week -but that was what I wanted – and with time, it was nothing ice-cream couldn’t fix .

I cherish the moments we had together and I don’t regret any of it.

Would I do it again? Maybe, maybe not. But I’m glad I learnt:

  • You can’t love anyone when you are struggling to embrace yourself
  • Don’t get into a relationship when you are broken hoping your partner will mend you. Only you can mend yourself!
  • Know your worth -Just because he has a better personality and is attractive doesn’t mean you oversee the little things he does that prove he is taking you for granted
  • Confront your doubts – if you have a burning issue talk it out instead of trying to be something you’re not to please your partner
  • Ice-cream does fix all heartbreaks and pain, with time. No one should tell you otherwise !

Over To You…

Have you ever been in relationship? Leave in the comments what are some of the good or bad lessons you’ve learnt so far.

Thank you for reading.

Xoxo,

Jade J

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3 thoughts on “Fodreamy1on1: Reminiscing My Ex”

  1. “I remember years ago, someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love, I did!” Seemed like I can hear Shontelle singing on the back ground now.

    Seriously, I’m sorry to hear about your pain, Patience. Just know that this broken love will make you stronger in time. 🙂 I’m so glad to know, despite the ache, you’re able to see the good in pain.

    You’ll be fine. That’s for sure! Here’s to a stronger you! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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